What Is Your Why?

For most of my life, I knew that I wanted to be a writer. Since I was eleven years old, I would spend most of my days sitting in front of the family desktop writing stories about anything and everything. Growing up on a small island, my imagination took me wherever I wanted to go. I would sit for hours on end, getting lost in the characters that I created, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to become a bestselling author.

As I got older and developed a relationship with Jesus, that passion never faded; however, I always felt like there was something missing. I knew that I loved to write, but there was this nagging thought at the back of my mind, constantly asking me: Why do you want to write, Christna? At this point, I thought I had everything figured out. I had spent my undergraduate career perfecting my craft and when I graduated, I quickly enrolled in graduate school as the icing on the cake. I had decided that I was going to take full advantage of the gift God had given me, and write books for His glory. However, I never felt fully settled about it. Thinking back, I knew that it was the Holy Spirit prompting me to examine the posture of my heart.

After months of avoiding the tug on my heart, I finally sat down and was completely honest with myself. I thought deeply and honestly about my desire to write, and realized that I wanted to do it for my own glory. I wanted to be celebrated for my talent. For years, I had been claiming to have wanted to write for God’s glory, but it wasn’t about Him. It was about me.

After coming to this realization, I stopped writing. Like, completely. The only writing that I did was school related. It was as if I couldn’t bring myself to write anymore. However, everything changed during my second year of graduate school. I was CONSTANTLY stressed out because of deadlines and responsibilities. It was really hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. During that time, I always cried out to God for strength to endure it all. One particular day as I cried out to Him, my urge to write resurfaced out of nowhere. I felt it so strongly that it scared me. It was as if I needed to get my words onto a screen for my own healing and the healing of my readers. My intentions were no longer about becoming famous or praised for my talent, instead, I felt like I was being commissioned to write for the people who were just like me. Those people walking through a hard time and looking for some sort of hope.

On that day, I realized that I had found my why, and I have been writing ever since.

What is your why today? Many of us are doing things for God, or are claiming that we are, but have we ever stopped to ask ourselves why we’re doing it? Have we ever stopped long enough to question our intentions? I am reminded of David’s heart cry in Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Let’s let David’s heart cry be our own. Let us ask the Lord to search us so that the posture of our hearts will always be in line with God’s plan for us, and not our own.

Let’s resolve to determine our why today.