Self-Love Series- Week #4- Guest Article: Worthy Within the Process
It’s amazing how unqualified I felt penning these words together. I felt this because I'm in the stage of waiting on God to bring to bloom the seeds that He has helped me plant. I see some growth, but the fruits aren’t fully formed. I still have so many doubts some days and I feel like I’ve gotten nowhere, but I’m drawn to the concept of true faith- to trust with reckless abandon. I’m trusting God to teach me self-love. I’m trusting God to help me trust myself. It’s uncomfortable because it’s uncharted territory.
What really drove me to write this article was an experience I had while driving to work. The issue was so simple, yet the anxiety that surrounded me while it was happening was very real. At the time, I knew that I needed to make an important stop before going to work, but I decided to postpone it until after. As I drove in the opposite direction, the anxiety that gripped me made me doubt my ability to make sensible decisions. “What are you gonna do when the place closes and you’re still on your way?” “Do you think that this makes any sense to waste gas and head in this direction now?” I verbally beat myself up the entire ride and felt so much anxiety that I had to stop my car and take a moment to remind myself that it will work out. The funny thing is that at the end of all that drama, I was able to make the stop after work WITH TIME TO SPARE. When I realized that I had stressed myself out for no reason at all, I had to have a real talk with myself. I asked myself, “Why don’t you trust yourself?”, “Why are there so many doubt surrounding your decisions?” It bothered me to no end because I was beginning to see a pattern. Just as I was skeptical and mistrustful of myself, I am the same way with God.
When God makes a promise, our initial reaction is to be so joyful and full of excitement. But a clause that is attached to these promises is that must we wait on Him. I’ve come to understand this on my self-love journey. For instance, one of God’s promises is to give me a crown of godly confidence. I’ve been walking the journey of loving myself and learning to appreciate who I am, but it hasn’t been easy. I wish that overnight I can magically become a more confident person; but, every day, I choose to commit to God’s process and trust that I’m moving from shallow nitpicking to building inner strength and affection towards who I am. Every day, I commit to drawing closer to this “new me”. The me that isn’t so insecure about who I am. The me who is not a people-pleaser.
The road to this new person certainly has its roadblocks and delays. I’ve often felt isolated at times as God prunes me and teaches me to love myself. But I’m always reminded of Psalm 139 during my journey. This passage of scripture reminds us that God’s thoughts toward us outnumber the grains of sand; it reminds us of how much He loves and cares for us. It helps me remember that because God loves us so much, no process that we walk through is in vain, and even when nothing “seems” to be working in our lives, He IS working.
Although I’ve been on this journey for a while now, some days are still challenging. There are days when I’m tempted to fall back into old patterns and mindsets, but I’m learning. I’m learning to walk this journey with God and give myself grace. I’ve realized that it’s so important not to rush the process of self-love. It’s important to remember that even though the process may be difficult at times, you are fully enough and worthy of love, praise and grace. As you are becoming all that God has called you to be, remember that He is with you and that once you remain committed to His process, the change that you are believing for will come.
I want to leave you with a verse that I've been clinging to during this journey. It is Isaiah 26:3 (AMP) and it reads, “You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]." As you walk on your journey, remember to keep your focus on Jesus. When you do so, He will keep you in perfect peace, no matter how hard the journey may become. Focus on Him, expect Him. He doesn’t disappoint.
Take heart on this journey of self-love. It is as rewarding as it is painful; as comforting as it is uncomfortable. However, the fruit that it produces in our lives is much sweeter and lasting when we give ourselves wholly to the process.
Don’t shy from it- just become.
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This week's guest blog was beautifully written by Brea Ferguson.
Brea is a recent graduate of the University of The Bahamas. She enjoys singing, attending lectures at her alma mater and learning new things. Brea LOVES to talk and finds laughing therapeutic for the soul. She is always genuinely excited about engaging in one-on-one conversations where she can share her heart with others. Brea is currently in a season of pruning and building confidence in both herself and God. For her, it is a process, but she is grateful that God is walking with her along the way!