Relationship Series- Week #1: Why Am I Single?
Being single isn’t always easy. It’s especially hard in this day and age, when everyone’s relationship status is plastered on social media. It’s like everytime you go online, you see another hashtag that says ‘relationship goals’ or when it’s not this, you’ll see an engagement story or wedding video. You’re excited for these people and their union, but there’s always a sting that you feel on the inside as you wonder when your time will come, or if your time will EVER come.
For a long time, I asked God the question: “When will you send the person that you have for me?” I want to be married and I want to have children someday, so it’s a valid question right? The more that I asked this question though, the quieter God seemed. After a while, I felt really discouraged because it was as though He didn’t care about this part of my life. He wasn’t answering my prayers, so clearly He didn’t.
One Friday night, home alone yet again, I decided to be completely honest with God about this season of my life, and He helped me to understand that I had been asking the wrong question all along. Instead of asking Him when will He send my husband, what I needed to ask Him was: Why Am I Single?
It’s crazy because as soon as I asked that question, it was as if all the answers came rushing out at once. Honestly. God helped me to realize in that moment of loneliness that I wasn’t single because He was punishing me. I know we hear that a lot in the church, but it’s true. You’re not being punished. I’m not being punished. God helped me understand that I’m single because there’s much more growing that I need to do. Sounds cliché right? I thought so too, until He revealed the areas to me that I needed help in. There were emotional wounds in need of healing, thought patterns that I needed deliverance from and I needed to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be as a woman.
What are the things that you need healing from? In what areas of your life do you need to grow? What kind of person are you? What kind of person do you want to be? How is your relationship with Jesus? What do you want to do with your life? These are the kinds of questions that the Holy Spirit led me to answer in my journal. Day by day, I would notice my blind spots and the Holy Spirit would challenge me to acknowledge the areas where I fell short and ask myself why I react the way that I do in certain instances.
A few years ago, I wouldn’t have understood the significance of growing as an individual before committing to someone, but I do now. God helped me to realize that if I entered into a relationship without taking the time to figure out who I am as a person, then my identity and my desires will be wrapped up in my partner. Isn’t that what happens to us most of the time? Because we have yet to know who we are as individuals and be alone long enough to figure out who we are, we look to our significant other for validation or to fill our voids. This isn’t what God wants. When we’re in relationship, we’re not looking for someone to complete us. There will be two whole people coming together to complement one another.
Singles, I urge you to use this time to figure out who you are. Get with God, open up to Him about how you feel during this season of your life. Most importantly, ask Him why it is that you’re single. Maybe like me, there’s much more growing that you have to do. Or for some of you, there might be things that God wants you to accomplish before you meet your significant other. The answer to this question will be different for all of us, but you must ask God so that He can tell you. I assure you that once you ask, He will answer and help you to better navigate this season of your life in contentment and purpose.
I know why I’m single. Why are you?